No awkward lesbian experiences without me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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