So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
