Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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