Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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