I wish my penis had an off switch
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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