I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
