somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I checked into jail on foursquare
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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