Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
