No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
