I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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