Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
