The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
