Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
