well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
