this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
