First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
