just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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