I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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