just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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