when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
