So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
