Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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