just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
