he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
