i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
