oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently the secret to your success is patron
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
