Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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