I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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