saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
