his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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