I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
