Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
