I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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