is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
