Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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