I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
