Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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