i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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