Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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