I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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