I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
