I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
