I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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