Need sex. Gaining weight.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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