i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
