Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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