At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
