I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
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