things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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