whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
just tell him i said nine months
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
