The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
