I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
