No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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