I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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