Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I came so hard my ears popped.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
