I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
