I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
