when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
