if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
