Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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