My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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