Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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