I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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