she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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