no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
