Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
