I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
