Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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